Faith and Creativity: He's Some Kind of Wonderful

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In my alarm I said,
 "I am cut off from your sight!" 
 Yet you heard my cry when I called to you for help 
- Psalm 31:22


Have you had those moments when you feel like God is not listening.
 At all. 
That He could not possibly see what is happening. 
How could He?
If He saw how hard you are trying to be kind and esteem others higher than yourself...
If He saw how the more you give the more those around you take and really do not seem to notice how MUCH you are giving... 
how engaged you are...
how so much you want to be valued for your contribution
And you grow weary
and feel faint
and grasp at straws
looking for some relief somewhere
in a phone call
in a good cry
in silence
and then
SUDDENLY
you know you were heard all along.


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Faith and Creativity: Grace and the Loveliness of Dandelions

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Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you,

who walk in the light of your presence Lord.

For you are their glory and strength

and by your favor you exalt our horn.

Indeed our shield belongs to the Lord,

our king to the Holy One of Israel

- Psalm 89:15, 17 18

The word "shield" has fascinated me for many years.  It is a word that I felt impressed upon my heart about 13 years ago during a spiritual direction class I took in seminary.  Around this same time creativity as a spiritual discipline began to bud.  I have pursued the creative life as a lifeline to God pretty steadily for the last 8 years.  The 'message' the metaphor shield... well not so much.

Today I think about how I have been shielded from things though I didn't realize it at the time.  I think about how I have tried to shield my children from life's disappointments until they were able to handle.  I think of many times how I wish I were still shielded from the agenda that can occur in church settings and in places where self absorbed  and self centered behavior ruins the beauty of all that could be good (like in classrooms).

This moment I think about why so much grace has been shown to me by God when I have felt rejected, unwanted, misunderstood.  Simple grace reminds me of delicate dandelions and how easily life can blow the bloom off the bud.

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Faith and Creativity: In the Most Intimate of Spaces May We Bless Others

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Faith and Creativity: In the Still Moments Where Do you Turn?

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I recently finished reading Lauren Winner's book Still.  The book focuses on the middle place in the Christan life.  The place where you no longer need to be convinced that God is real and you are a mess without his guidance in your life.

Nevertheless, it still kills you that the bad guys still wins and patience is viewed as weakness and heart felt intentional winner leaves you holding the short end of the stick in this cut throat world.  I am still processing all that I connected with in Winner's book but the most profound piece is her connection to poetry in the saddest and confusing of times.  I have wanted to read more poetry but have felt overwhelmed and almost a little embarrassed to ask for suggestions on where to start because I know there is so much to choose from.  I have written down some poets she mentions in the book and I have picked up my copy of Saved by a Poem and begin to read it again.


 
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Faith and Creativity: What is your Soul Longing For?

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I have been spending more time lately looking for pockets of quiet.  I need it.  I am craving it more than I ever have before.  I do not know if it is all those years of isolation while I was a stay at home mom or while my hubby was deployed with the military but I find I have to be diligent about finding time to sit and think.

Think about where my life is headed at the age of 46.  What my life means now that I am back to work and being a wife on a full time basis since my husband does not deploy as much anymore.  More than anything I find myself trying to find my rhythm with God again.  The structure has changed.  And I am in earnest pursuit to put it back in place.

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Faith and Creativity: Why Do you Pray?

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The times of waiting are most interesting. 

 You are in a moment where nothing outwardly has really changed.  And yet you are experiencing some sort of inner comfort. 

 I have begun to really experience prayer as something more than lifting some words to your maker and suddenly the circumstances change and you are all better and things are all better.  

I have stopped praying specifically for answers.  Though I still want them.  Time spent in prayer now feels more like

help me to remember that my circumstances do not define me or how much God loves me. 

 The longer I take this life on as a journey and not simply a race to get to the most comfortable place possible, the more I am able to be in a circumstance and not allow the bitterness to overtake me. 

 

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My Creative Peace: The Inner Call of the Soul to Make a Difference

In 2013 I became a grandma.  My son is in the military and so his family does not live nearby.  I did not have a close relationship with my grandparents but I have heard from so many how deep and impactful their relationships with their grandparents have been.  From the moment I found out the news I have been invisioning how I would be a part of this little boy's life.   

Since he is so little I have had to be content with sending little care packages of children's books to let him know his grammy is thinking of him.  My daughter in law is fantastic about posting pictures on Facebook and I am so grateful for that.  This little painting came intuitively.  I have recently found the work of Mindy Lacefield and took her Soul Bird ecourse.  She is really igniting my creative heart with her style of teaching.

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My Creative Peace:: Finding a Way to Stay Hopeful in the Tough Times

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Setting aside some childish notions of how life is supposed to be.  Definitely easier said then done.  The hardest part of moving forward after a disappointment seems to be allowing yourself to set goals again.. run after something with abandon... dream again.

For me I have found that I need just one or two close friends.  Ones that are willing to let their guard one.  Laugh with me.  Cry with me.  Be on my side.  Love me enough to not take my side sometimes.

Somehow this connecting allows us both to let the light shine on the dark places of life.  Enough to let the wounds heal without constantly feeling the need to pick at them.  

I hope you have one or two who do that for you.  I think each one of us needs at least someone that we can cut the crap with.  And get real honest.. that sometimes life is not so OK

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My Creative Peace: The Work behind the Desire to Get Better at Something

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I have wanted to commit to the craft of painting for a very long time now.  I have always been drawn to being more creative but for many years I would simply collect creative friends and allow that to be enough. I raise creative children.  I have a husband that went to art school.

But over the years  - really beginning in 2008 - I had this nagging feeling that there should be more to this gravitational pull.  I needed to look inward.  So it began.  Starting with what I knew - crocheting - and then taking a Kelly Rae Robert's business course for artists opened me up to artists that told that stories and shared their encouragement with me.

Three years ago I began art journalling with a vengeance. then I created a project where I created and mailed 100 postcards to friends and family.

I find that my heart is at it again.  2013 was the year of reuniting with many family members in a search for identity and connection.  2014 is the processing year of who this person is that STILL feels the call to create even in the midst of the busiest of times.

So here I am in on display.  And the goal is to create 100 paintings by the end of 2014.  Reading Chris Guillibeau's The Happiness of Pursuit has helped me to up my challenge from simply painting every day to finish paintings and let my intuitive heart shine.  I have created 13 so far since October 2014.  I am not sure I can complete all 100 but I am going to paint as if I can.  Join me on the journey?  You can also follow along by putting your email in the box at top of the blog that says "subscribe by email."

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Writer Girl: Resisting the Temptation to Just Give Up

Day 6:

"The more resistance you experience, the more important your unmanifested art/project/enterprise is to you - and the more gratification you will feel when you finally do it."
-Steven Pressfield, The War of Art

 I woke up the other night with these words rolling around in my head: "Why does it seem like whenever you live fully in one thing, some other portion of your life must die?" A question so simple yet, knowing I would not remember it in the morning and intrigued enough to want to explore it further, I immediately wrote it down on paper. I did not attempt to understand its meaning or the implication of the words in this stage of my life; I simply wrote is down and went back to bed!

Priming the Pump:

Do you thrive in chaos?  Are there other obligations in your life that actually encourage the flow of ideas for writing?  Are there some things you need to STOP doing because they are having an adverse effect on your writing?

Write 100 words OR write for 15 minutes (set a timer to help you focus and whatever you get down on paper for 15 minutes let grace hold you – well done!)

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Writer Girl: Where are you Storing all Your Good Ideas?

Day 5:

In spiritual life there is no room for compromise. Awakening is not negotiable; we cannot bargain to hold on to things that please us while relinquishing things that do not matter to us. A lukewarm yearning for awakening is not enough to sustain us through the difficulties involved in letting go.
It is important to understand that anything that can be lost was never truly ours; anything that we deeply cling to only imprisons us.

-
Jack Kornfield

I find myself in the furious flow of momentum which is something I have never experienced before. Ideas come in the middle of the night and I am making the dreadful mistake of thinking I will remember them in the morning-I NEVER DO! In the past, I would have an idea and I would wake myself up literally every hour and rehearse the idea in my head convinced that this time I would retain the inspired thought only to wake up with NOTHING. The constant awareness of the thought throughout the night would play so vividly, the idea danced in my head like a carousel.  Now if only I would get my tush out of bed and write it down.

The biggest fear in all this flurry is that the flow will end. I admit I am a pessimist when it comes to the idea of a writer being able to make a living from her craft-surely one would run out of ideas after awhile. So, rather than enjoy the bounty of material for as long as it lasts, I calculate the endgame and whether or not this is the most practical use of my time given the length of time a windfall of ideas could possibly last.

These thoughts are hilarious given my state of life at this moment-I am a stay at home mom of a toddler-which, given a certain amount of discipline, offers an incredible amount of time. I am a type A, multitasking woman who has incredible amounts of energy. I have about 10 books I am in the process of reading. Three "books" I am in the process of writing. I have started crocheting a scarf. I am creating a name plate for my little girl's room. I am in the process of co-organizing an abstinence conference for teens. I am organizing a book club.  In a month, I will be training to become a facilitator of a support group. Yeah, time is not really the issue; it's focus.

Now I will cut myself a little slack in that the generation of all these seemingly unrelated projects in part offer incredible solace. I have a tendency to bore easily, hence the need for a three-ring circus in my life. And, thank God, I reach for constructive activities rather than finding a self destructive means of amusing myself. Plus, all of these projects are incredibly flexible in that they have the capacity to be interrupted based on the needs of a toddler. So, if my girl is painting, then I will incorporate my deal with her thing.   She still naps so that is a set amount of time in the day as well that I can write. 

The interesting outcome in this flurry of activity is that when I go back to writing, I find a stream to draw from. For the first time since I can remember, I "thought" of a hook for a fictional short story. I am still staring down the fear of writing a complete story but I did free write with the concept for a few paragraphs just to flesh it out a bit. I took Heather Seller's advice from her book "Page after Page" and used the technique of "butt in chair." Yeah, another one of those simple concepts which simply means sit your tush in the chair and write. Pretty much this advice ranks in importance right alongside the advice of writing an idea down when it comes to you.

 

Priming the Pump:

Do you have any blocked artists around you?  If so, does it fuel your desire to want to break through and write or challenge the idea that writing is a valuable use of time?

Write 100 words OR write for 15 minutes (set a timer to help you focus and whatever you get down on paper for 15 minutes let grace hold you – well done!)

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Writer Girl: Fear and Fearlessness

Day 4:

"The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes."-Marcel Proust

 As I continue to write daily trusting God to give me something to write about, I hope I can inspire and encourage others on the way. I do find from past attempts of trying to become more creative that, very similar to my walk with Jesus, I am "simply A BEGGAR trying to show other beggars where the bread is".
I came across the guidelines for a writing contest the other day and decided to settle in and work on an entry, another attempt to cement this "hobby" as a lifestyle.   At the same time, I am going through a support group called "Mending the Soul," a group that helps me work through various types of childhood traumas that I could not seem to figure out how to navigate how faith in God helps me to move past.  One of my assignments is to write about a particularly painful experience from my past. I "somehow" worked on a story about a most unlikely candidate given my past - my father. The piece was very therapeutic personally and therefore a perfect candidate to help me to stick with the re-writes that were ahead. This is the story I was going to submit to the contest.
Well it turns out that the requirement for the short story entry is that it needs to be a fictional work. I sighed, knowing that fiction is not what I "do". I prayed silently: is writing fiction something I have closed myself off to or do I just really stink at it, plain and simple (I think it is the latter!).
As a result of this support group, I have been thinking a lot about my childhood. I remembered that I loved to write and always longed to have one of those diaries with the little lock on it-something about having these secret thoughts that my parents could not know really appealed to me. We have of course upgraded the term "diaries" to "journals" and I guess given the age of reality television, we no longer need to hide the words behind locks.
I remember vividly my dream was to become a playwright. This probably stemmed from a couple of school plays I was in and the whole idea of writing the words that people speak (side note: my husband says to me sometimes when we are arguing 'why don't you give me a script so I know what you want me to say?').

My elementary school had a creativity fair every year where all forms of writing and art were eligible for submission. I remember sitting down and constructing a play called "Torn between Two Lovers" based on a song from the 70's - I was in 3rd grade. I assure you I had no idea what the words of this old song meant. I was incredibly sheltered as a child, barely allowed to watch television and very limited music access other than what my parents wanted to listen to. Lord knows what the judges of the contest thought when they saw the title of my entry. I can't remember the details but I remember the play was based on an episode of "My Three Sons" - I had a crush on the oldest son, Robbie- where he and his girlfriend were going through relationship troubles. I also recall the play had 5 or 6 acts complete with stage direction, having become a "pro" at how plays were structured through my 2 experiences dealing with scripts in my school plays. Diligently I worked on this project, convinced that the judges would be amazed at my plot and flow and character development.
As the deadline drew near for entries, my friend Brenda was lamenting about how she wished she had something to enter into the contest. I began encouraging her to try writing her own short story assuring her that I would assist if need be. She began basting me with compliments about how I was the writer in the friendship.  Somehow by the end of the conversation I agreed to write a story for her to submit. The story was about a resourceful alligator -that's all I can recall. I vividly remember how I cranked it out in lightning speed and even included an illustration of the varmint - oh I draw now too? About a week later, the results are posted. Somehow my brilliant play was overlooked in the standings. However, the alligator story got an honorable mention. My friend received her first writing credential! God's witty way of teaching me not to cheat?

I think about this now as I fight with myself as to whether I really can write fictional short stories. I know that my preferred style of writing is more inspirational. Now to be fair, I have come across fictional work that is incredibly uplifting. I think I might be wound too tight into some kind of box that presupposes inspiration only comes in a certain form.

Perhaps I could free flow better in my "weak spot." One of the exercises in a book called "Drawing on the Right Side of Your Brain" has the student turn a piece of art the opposite way of how it would hang on a wall (a.k.a. upside down). The theory is that your brain will begin to focus on shapes rather than the literal interpretation it perceives when looking at a painting straight on. Once our visual guard is down, we tend to focus more abstractly. In that same vein, perhaps I might experience the same outcome were I to take a chance and write fiction. What's to lose? Fear. What's to gain: fearlessness!

Priming the Pump:

Begin to write a game plan for how you will research other writings around your topic/experiences that you wish to write about

Write 100 words OR write for 15 minutes (set a timer to help you focus and whatever you get down on paper for 15 minutes let grace hold you – well done!)

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Writer Girl: Do You Feel God's Presence When you Write?

Day 3:

Oh gently lay your head, upon my chest,

And I will comfort you like a mother

while you rest.

The tide can change so fast but I will stay

The same through the past,

the same in the future,

the same today

chorus:

I am constant; I am near

I am the peace that shatters all your secret fears

I am holy; I am wise

I am the only one who knows your heart's desires

your heart's desires

Oh weary, tired and worn let out your sighs

and drop that heavy load you hold

for mine is light

I know you through and through no need to hide

I want to show you love that is deep and high and wide

Jill Phillips- "I am"

10.04.08
So though I officially have a "blog"(online weblog)*, I have this crazy habit of wanting to write my thoughts out on paper first. I know that sounds harmless, but given how much time it takes me to begin writing this habit prolongs my ability to actually complete what I might want to get down on paper  AND THEN transfer what I wrote to the blog.  First I have to re-read the entry to make sure it makes sense and by that time usually my little one is up from her nap and  UGH you see my dilemma. I have to learn to just go for it! I have to keep coaxing myself to take the baby steps.

I have two friends who I would say have been the most beneficial for just having a benchmark to move forward into the idea of being a "working" artist. One of them lives in another state so it is a bit difficult to do any face to face check in. I have known her for about ten years and she has definitely been the most consistent when it comes to not just talking about "creating art" but actually working her craft, mostly through oil painting and photography.

The other friend, however, I visited with last night. She is a former coworker that is married to a "working" artist - He actually makes a living from it and does AMAZING work.  My friend always has beautiful projects happening at her house.    They are either painting the walls of their home vibrant colors or creating a trellis for the entryway or incorporating mosaics into the walking path.  Just beautiful, soothing work. 

But I sense fear.  The same fear I am experiencing to be quite honest.  She recently quit her retail job because she felt like it was siphoning her energy (she might have said something like siphoning her life force - she is very poetic!). She said her immediate response to the new stage in her life (you know after the thrill of sticking it to your boss) was sheer panic. Did she really decide to take herself off the hamster wheel-the one that tells you where to go, when to go, how fast to go and how to think? Quick find another hamster wheel!

If you have ever taken a plunge like that, then you know. It feels like you are drowning in possibility. Problem is you do not know how to discern anything outside of the schematic of a structured work environment. My panic came in the form of motherhood. I waited several years for the little girl in my arms, but what was the constant ringing in my head? I felt like I was a retired Pavlov's dog unable to generate anything more than to NOT GIVE IN to the desires invoked by the bell. Too much time to fill and no one to tell me how to fill it. Well meaning friends who have heard me "lament" (a pretty word for moaning and groaning) said, "finally Robin you can write like you always talked about."

But how can one create in a state of panic? I felt forgotten in the world. 40 years old in a play group with a toddler surrounded by the other "twenty something" moms. Many of which were joyfully talking about their "next baby" while the one in front of them is barely a year old. I am college educated and full of life experience, stuck in a world filled with "The Wonder Pets" anthem playing in my head and not much else. It was getting difficult to get out of bed.

So as I embark on this thing - this facade I still call it even as I make myself write-I have no choice but to wake up in my life and EXPLORE. I see that my panicked friend and I could help each other. She actually holds a bachelors degree in art so she has the foundation to imagine a life of openness through her creativity; the ability to live more fully with her heart and mind.

Or... not.  This realization showed up the other day as I noticed that the very ones that I so admire for their creativity seem to be disinterested in cultivating my desire for living a more creative life.  Attempted conversations are met with limited curiosity and one or two words responses.   And conversations around creativity only seem to arise when I make the effort to introduce the topic. 

Julia Cameron in her book "The Artist's Way" warns of the "blocked" artist. Specifically, she warns the new artist who is beginning on this new road and still working through her panic -ME-  to be cautious of the blocked artist. The one with so much potential but... The old adage from your mother that says to watch the company you keep? Apparently it is true in the area of creativity. We can love to talk and "think" about creating. However many times what happens is the new artist begins to downplay her new explorations in an effort to bring comfort to the other which causes the new artist to minimize the value of what she attempting to do.

What do you do when you realize that those closest to you may not be as excited about your journey as you are?

Priming the Pump:

Are you feeling God's presence in this process?  Where/how are you experiencing Him?  Are there initial whisperings about what to write about?  What emotions are you feeling about those topics?  

Write 100 words OR write for 15 minutes (set a timer to help you focus and whatever you get down on paper for 15 minutes let grace hold you – well done!)

To Purchase "Writer Girl"  or my other Faith and Creativity Resources:

CLICK HERE